


gay band™

by thatfangirlingfreak



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 1-4 am, M/M, a lowkey emo texting oneshot, also I hate on arzanjsms a lot so leave if u don't like it!!, loads of time skipping whoops, that probs doesn't make sense since I only ever write these at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8640406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfangirlingfreak/pseuds/thatfangirlingfreak
Summary: a glimpse into the 5sos group chat, featuring gay boys, cake!wedding, and stupid, petty fights.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my dumbass decided to write another one of my shitty texting fics so voilà:
> 
> ashton: lildrummerboy  
> calum: lukesboy  
> luke: calumsgirl  
> michael: guitarhero
> 
> enjoy!

lildrummerboy: we said practice at 1

lildrummerboy: @cake and y'all decide to be late

lildrummerboy: even Michael is here on time, and he's never hear on time

guitarhero: um *here you stupid ass

guitarhero: also I'm hurt

lildrummerboy: it's facts mike

lukesboy: okay before you say anything I swear it was all Luke's fault

guitarhero: CALUM WHERE R U I NEED U TO FIGHT ASH

lildrummerboy: JFC ITS BEEN AN HOUR SINCE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO START

lukesboy: we're on the way calm down

calumsgirl: it was so not my fault wtF

lukesboy: hm...funny how,, IT WAS

guitarhero: it's always ur fault luke

lildrummerboy: everyone shut up. explain yourselves, please.

guitarhero: ooh daddy ash makin an appearance I'm turned on

lildrummerboy: stfu

lukesboy: okay so we were in the hotel room and I'm ordering lunch so we can eat before practice

lukesboy: Lukey boy decides 'hey this is a great time to try on the lingerie set daddy got me last night'

calumsgirl: okay fuck off I needed to try it on and I thought I'd do it while you were busy

lukesboy: anyways, luke gets the set on and waltzes into the room while I'm finishing up this room service call and holy shit

lukesboy: when I say that boy looked like heaven

calumsgirl: sTOP IM BLUSHIDBDNHD

lukesboy: so I'm just frozen and the server was like 'sir? sir? you still there' and I just hang up

lukesboy: and luke goes 'do you like it daddy?' all shy n cute and I'm like FUCKFUCKUFKCUCKFUCKCJ internally

calumsgirl: cutie

lukesboy: and I'm like 'of course, you're beautiful baby' and long story short we fucked for an hour

guitarhero: ...there are no words

lildrummerboy: you could have just said: we were fucking, sorry

guitarhero: ^^ yeah now I'm scarred for life

lukesboy: okay fuck off at least our story is better than the time Mikey missed practice bc he got lost playing pokemon go and live texted us about it

guitarhero: hey I caught a pikachu tho

calumsgirl: you almost walked into traffic

guitarhero: you're getting punished by Calum tonight so ha

lildrummerboy: I need new bandmates

\-----

calumsgirl: hey, why is this called gay band™??

lildrummerboy: idk Michael named it

lukesboy: 2/4 of this band is straight tf

guitarhero: alright, ashton and I have something to confess

lildrummerboy: fuck off m8

guitarhero: idk it's just called gay band bc all our fans think we're gay for each other anyways so why not

guitarhero: why do you guys decide to let me name things

lukesboy: good question

calumsgirl: bc Calum and I almost named the band bromance

lildrummerboy: that's p ironic when you think about it

guitarhero: at least it wasn't no homo

lukesboy: we were so gay for each other

calumsgirl: we ARE so gay for each other

guitarhero: BROOOOOMANCE

guitarhero: NOTHING REALLY GAY ABOUT IT

lildrummerboy: I LOVE YOU IN THE MOST HETEROSEXUAL WAY

lukesboy: I hate every minute of being in this gc

\-----

lukesboy: lukaaaa

lukesboy: lucasss

lukesboy: lukeyyy

calumsgirl: what

lukesboy: come cuddle princess pleaseee

calumsgirl: no.

lukesboy: :-(

guitarhero: what did you do cal

lukesboy: baby boy's mad at me but idk why

lukesboy: did I do something when I was drunk?

lildrummerboy: not that I'm aware of

guitarhero: I know you and luke made it back to the room together

lukesboy: hmm

calumsgirl: I'm not mad at you cal

calumsgirl: I'm just tired is all

lukesboy: ...okay then come cuddle w me darling

calumsgirl: okay <3

\-----

_lukesboy removed calumsgirl from the chat._

lukesboy: luke is keeping something from me but I don't know what it is

lukesboy: has he told you guys anything?

lildrummerboy: no but I'll try to talk to him later if you'd like

lukesboy: no no it's fine I'm just checking

guitarhero: I haven't noticed any major changes in his mood or behavior so maybe it was just a minor thing

lukesboy: yeah...maybe

lukesboy: idk I'm just gonna hold him and give him all my love bc that's all I can do

lukesboy: and pray he's not upset with me

lildrummerboy: he would tell you I'm sure

guitarhero: he'll tell you when he's ready, just give him time

lukesboy: okay, thanks guys xx

_lukesboy added calumsgirl to the chat._

calumsgirl: accidentally remove me then smh

lukesboy: soz babe

calumsgirl: I only forgive you bc I love you

lukesboy: the feeling is mutual xx

\-----

lildrummerboy: QUICK HOW DO I KNOW IF A GIRL LIKES ME

guitarhero: you ask her and she says she likes you

calumsgirl: you'll just know

lukesboy: Google it

lildrummerboy: you guys are the least helpful friends I've ever had

guitarhero: jeez who shoved a drumstick up ur ass today

calumsgirl: you did

guitarhero: shut up luke mashton will never be real

lukesboy: I remember that I used to be so uncertain if luke liked me back

lukesboy: I'd be like 'oh he mentioned me to his friends maybe he does like me?? but probs not' and 'oh my god is my flirting too obvious?? he flirted back kind of idk he probably doesn't like me like that tho'

calumsgirl: you are the biggest dumb sweetheart ever

guitarhero: that doesn't even make sense

lukesboy: hey that's my baby you're talking to

guitarhero: wow I love when my best friend attacks me

calumsgirl: I used to touch Calum unnecessarily to wordlessly tell him I liked him

calumsgirl: I'd get red at everything he said to me and felt sparks when he brushed his hand or arm against mine so look for signs like that

lukesboy: I love my Lukey

calumsgirl: your Lukey loves you too

guitarhero: gross love

lildrummerboy: you guys are sickeningly cute

lildrummerboy: I'm just going to wait for her to come to me sigh I'll never find a relationship like cake

guitarhero: relationships are too complicated for me

calumsgirl: you guys will both find someone and I promise they'll love you like calum and I love each other

guitarhero: you sure about that?

calumsgirl: okay maybe not AS MUCH as cal and I love each other but still love all the same

lukesboy: yeah you guys will find your soulmates

lukesboy: I found mine

calumsgirl: !!!

lildrummerboy: luke was that you screaming just now

calumsgirl: ...maybe

\-----

calumsgirl: okay look at this email management just sent me bc I hugged cally at the show last night

_calumsgirl sent a photo._

guitarhero: that's so fucked up I hate them

lildrummerboy: yeah why do they get to decide you guys have to keep your relationship under wraps smh

lukesboy: I'm so pissed.

lukesboy: we can't even hug anymore fuck this

calumsgirl: :-(((

calumsgirl: this sucks

guitarhero: I'm sorry guys :-///

calumsgirl: it's national coming out day as well and we can't say anything

lukesboy: is that why you were upset the other day?? management?

calumsgirl: ...yes okay?? I know it's stupid but I just want to tell everyone that I love you

lildrummerboy: of course that's not stupid luke

lukesboy: I know baby and I wish we could too

calumsgirl: but at this rate I guess we'll never be able to

lildrummerboy: we'll think of something, don't lose hope

calumsgirl: I try not to everyday

\-----  
lildrummerboy: I was stalking Michael on Twitter and found out that he just followed a shit load of cake update accounts wtf

lukesboy: LMAOOOO I LOVE MICHAEL

calumsgirl: this is iconic I guess we know who the biggest cake shipper is now

guitarhero: listen,,, im keeping cake shippers alive and well

lildrummerboy: oh wow truly a savior

guitarhero: ashton is simply jealous that he does not have screaming cake fans and cute cake photos on his timeline

lukesboy: that's literally my tl

calumsgirl: ^ and also hot photos of Calum

lukesboy: d'awwww

guitarhero: HOLY FUCKDJDND I JUST SCROLLED PAST LOOK ALIKE CAKE GAY PORN NOOOOOOOOO

lildrummerboy: HAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHH THATS WHAT U GET

guitarhero: MY INNOCENCE IS RUINED

calumsgirl: yes bc you were so innocent before michael

lildrummerboy: rt

guitarhero: you guys suck :-((

lukesboy: um,,, but like dm me that link tho

calumsgirl: OHMSYGID

\-----

lukesboy: hey, have you guys seen luke today?

lukesboy: he wasn't in our room this morning

guitarhero: no sorry mate

lildrummerboy: nope

lildrummerboy: how could you lose a person??

lukesboy: well I don't exactly have a tracker on my boyfriend ash I'm not a creep

guitarhero: hey!! let's focus on the important matter at hand please!!! our friend is gone?!

lildrummerboy: I didn't mean it like that and you know it

lukesboy: you didn't have to belittle me

guitarhero: GUYS

calumsgirl: stop arguing, I'm fine

calumsgirl: kind of

lukesboy: baby where were you? are you okay? I was so worried :-(

guitarhero: yeah you left me to deal with these two idiots

lildrummerboy: stfu mike

calumsgirl: I had a lovely conversation w management this morning abt a girl

guitarhero: girl??? tf?

calumsgirl: her name is arzaylea (personally I prefer assaylea bc I'm a bitch) and she's my girlfriend : )

guitarhero: WTFWTWFWT

lildrummerboy: that's so fucked up I don't even know what to say

calumsgirl: exactly

calumsgirl: apparently management thinks Calum and I are getting too out of hand so we need to start shit in order to make sure that ppl think I'm straight

calumsgirl: she's such a bitch too I hate her she makes me uncomfy

guitarhero: ugh I hate this sm jfc

calumsgirl: ik I'm just seething w anger

lildrummerboy: where'd calum go?

guitarhero: uh he should be in cake's room

lildrummerboy: duh obviously but I mean in this conversation

calumsgirl: I'm headed up to the room rn hang on

lukesboy: don't bother. I'm going out for a while, I'll see you guys later.

calumsgirl: cal?

calumsgirl: we just passed by each other in the hallway and he didn't even look back at me :-(

guitarhero: don't worry luke he's just hurting

calumsgirl: I just wanted to cuddle with him

calumsgirl: what if I don't get to ever again bc of this shit?

lildrummerboy: don't think like that luke everything will be okay

calumsgirl: okay... :-(

\-----

calumsgirl: he didn't come back last night.

lildrummerboy: why can't this band stay in one place?

guitarhero: are you serious what the fuck where are you Calum

lildrummerboy: this is a dick move after yesterday dude

calumsgirl: I really need you, please

lukesboy: I'm sorry but I just can't go back to the hotel rn okay

lukesboy: I just need some time to myself and I'll see you all at the venue

calumsgirl: but I need you so bad

calumsgirl: we can work through this together cal please

lukesboy: it's best if we lay low, okay? they promised me they wouldn't bother us if we just keep everything under wraps for a bit

guitarhero: and you honestly believe that?

lildrummerboy: Calum...

lukesboy: I'll believe anything if it means Lukey and I can stay together

lukesboy: please try to understand where I'm coming from

calumsgirl: okay, we'll lay low for a while

lukesboy: thank you

guitarhero: I hope this works out...

\-----

calumsgirl: sorry I was so shitty during the show tonight

guitarhero: it's fine, none of us knew she'd be there

lildrummerboy: yeah all of us were thrown off by it you're fine

calumsgirl: calum locked himself in his dressing room and he won't talk to me...

calumsgirl: it's not like I was the one who invited her to the show! it's all fucking management

guitarhero: he knows that I swear

lildrummerboy: you just have to let him feel pain

calumsgirl: but what if I don't want him to feel pain?

lukesboy: I'll be fine tomorrow. don't worry about me.

calumsgirl: I'll never stop worrying about you

guitarhero: dammit this is so shitty I hate it

\------

lildrummerboy: hey...I have an announcement to make

lildrummerboy: remember that girl I really liked a few months back?

calumsgirl: yes, bryana?

lildrummerboy: she's my girlfriend now :-)

guitarhero: YOU GO BRO

lukesboy: PROUD OF YOU BUDDY

calumsgirl: YES ASHTON!!

lildrummerboy: thanks guys! I've never been so happy

calumsgirl: aww

guitarhero: damn now I need a girlfriend since I'm the only single band member

lildrummerboy: sucks to suck

calumsgirl: tru even I have a girlfriend

lukesboy: well I'm 'single' technically so you're not alone mikey

guitarhero: we'll date each other

lukesboy: #malum4life

calumsgirl: hey...not cool :-(

guitarhero: go be with your girlfriend smh

calumsgirl: this is actually not cool I feel really hurt

guitarhero: yeah? maybe you should have thought of how hurt calum was gonna be when he saw that photo of you two kissing

calumsgirl: it's not like I wanted that!

guitarhero: well you didn't try to stop it either

calumsgirl: fuck you michael

lildrummerboy: guys cmon we can't tear our band apart

lukesboy: it's a little too late for that

\-----

calumsgirl: calum...

calumsgirl: do you still love me?

lukesboy: of course I do

lukesboy: I don't think I could ever stop loving you

calumsgirl: I love you too and I really miss you :-(

lukesboy: I miss you too babe :-((

calumsgirl: I'm gonna fix this

calumsgirl: I promise

lukesboy: luke...

calumsgirl: I promise.

\-----

calumsgirl: she won't stop leaking shit I swear

calumsgirl: the fans are all so pissed at me and I feel like the biggest asshole in the world

lukesboy: don't be so hard on yourself

calumsgirl: I feel shitty :-/

lildrummerboy: we'll figure this out

calumsgirl: it feels like we keep saying that but nothing ever changes...

guitarhero: maybe you should do something about it then

lukesboy: come on michael...

guitarhero: no. luke, do something. don't just complain about it. it's been months. do. something.

\-----

calumsgirl: did Michael get a girlfriend??

guitarhero: maybe if you weren't so self-absorbed you would have noticed sooner

calumsgirl: that's unfair...

lildrummerboy: calm down, both of you

guitarhero: what's more unfair is what you're doing to Calum

lukesboy: I guess I'm the only single guy now

lukesboy: any of your girlfriends have hot single friends?? any gender or lack thereof is fine

calumsgirl: what the fuck??

lukesboy: our relationship is basically over luke and I don't see you trying to stop arzashshwsnj's tactics so

lukesboy: I'm single now

calumsgirl: so we're just...over?

guitarhero: what do you think he said dumbass

lildrummerboy: you guys need to stop this shit right now.

guitarhero: he's an ass, ashton! just accept that and stop defending him. he's not the luke we used to know.

\-----

lildrummerboy: luke, we have soundcheck in 10. where the hell are you?!

guitarhero: ^^

calum: luke, regardless of anything we said you are still in our band and we still need you here

luke: soundcheck without me. I'll be at the venue later.

guitarhero: DUDE. WE NEED YOU HERE. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE HOLD UP?

luke: you guys don't really need me so I don't see what the problem is

lildrummerboy: luke, people are gonna ask about you

lildrummerboy: we can do soundcheck late and pick you up if you want, just tell us where you are

luke: look I'm not showing up no matter what so just do it without me

luke: I can't be around you guys right now, okay?

luke: just...just leave me alone.

lildrummerboy: ...okay.

\-----

calum: fuck luke

calum: you knew she'd post those photos of you two and you just let her

calum: I know you wanted to get back at me fuck you

calum: I hurt you and I get that but you hurt me first

calum: and what happened to your promise?? you didn't fix anything. this is on you. don't make me the bad guy.

\-----

lildrummerboy: has luke been answering you guys?

guitarhero: we don't talk much anymore :-/

calum: ^

lildrummerboy: yeah well he didn't show up to our recording session today...

lildrummerboy: and this is like the third time this has happened

guitarhero: I'm sure he's alright

lildrummerboy: I don't know...luke wouldn't do this

calum: yeah well I thought luke wouldn't do a lot of things but here we are

lildrummerboy: cmon you two, he's still our friend

calum: you can't be friends with an ex

lildrummerboy: fine. be that way. I'll find him myself.

guitarhero: pick sides much

lildrummerboy: that's a bit hypocritical. and I'm on no sides, I just think we should all be concerned about our friend's well being.

guitarhero: whatever

lildrummerboy: if luke doesn't come back you both will be sorry as hell

\-----

calum: where are you?

calum: I know I avoid you a lot now but...

calum: luke you've been missing for almost two weeks now and I'm so worried

calum: please come back

calum: I still need you fuck everything I've ever said

\-----

guitarhero: should we make a missing persons report for luke?

lildrummerboy: someone had a change of heart, I take it?

guitarhero: shut up

calum: please don't

calum: that would make this whole thing too real

lildrummerboy: cal...

calum: I can't handle that ashton I'm sorry

calum: my baby can't be gone

calum: sorry he's not mine anymore I'm sorry for the slip up

guitarhero: fuck you two are utter wrecks without each other

lildrummerboy: that's love for you

calum: except luke doesn't love me anymore

luke: that's not true

calum: lu?!

\-----

calum: he still hasn't come back I don't understand

guitarhero: well at least we know he's reading these

lildrummerboy: luke please come back we miss you

luke: I have to take care of something first.

guitarhero: ???

\-----

guitarhero: holy shit

guitarhero: luke broke up w arzashsjms on an Instagram post. and it's EVERYWHERE. what the fuck is life.

calum: I think I've been screaming since the moment it was posted tbh I'm so !!!

lildrummerboy: he SNATCHED that bitch

calum: ashton pls stop trying to be hip it triggers me

luke: :-)

luke: say goodbye to me in my spare moments of life before management kills me

guitarhero: shut up we won't let that happen

guitarhero: but in case you do die, can you forgive me for all my bullshit over the past few months??

luke: of course mikey, if you'll forgive me for mine

guitarhero: already done :))))

lildrummerboy: YAY FRIENDSHIP

lildrummerboy: we're finally back to the old band guys without the unnecessary drama/baggage

calum: it's lit

lildrummerboy: and you think I'm trying to be hip?!

guitarhero: never thought I'd say this, but it's good to be back to the pointless arguments

luke: agreed

\-----

luke: worked some stuff out w management today

luke: they're not gonna mess with our lives anymore

guitarhero: BLESS

calum: proud of you lukey

luke: thx cal <3

lildrummerboy: now that everything's fixed can we acknowledge the elephant in the room??

lildrummerboy: WHEN IS CAKE GOING TO RISE FROM THE GRAVE AGAIN

calum: well if luke will take me back...then we can be boyfriends again

luke: say one of your cheesy I love you's and I will

calum: I love you, lu. I love your little giggles and loud laughter (esp when you scrunch your nose up!!!). I love when your eyes light up. I love how much you remind me of sunshine and warm sheets and morning cuddles. I love when you bury your face in my chest and blush really hard when I whisper dirty things in your ear. I love your kisses. I love it when you squeeze my hand. And I miss all these things about you so much. I was such an idiot to let you slip away from me, and I know it will take time for both of us to forgive each other. But I can't go another night or day without you by my side, baby. please come back to me and let me love you all over because I really need you back. I love you too much to live without you.

guitarhero: IM CRYING JUST TAKE HIM BACK ALREADY YOU FUCKER

lildrummerboy: IM ACTUALLY SHOOK

luke: MOOD ^

luke: yes calum yes I will take you back...if you'll even have me

guitarhero: HE JUST SAID HE LOVED YOU LIKE A BILLION TIMES WTF OF COURSE HE'LL HAVE YOU

calum: Michael said it best ^

luke: then...cake is real again!!

calum: you bet your sweet ass it is ;-)

guitarhero: GOD HAS SMILED UPON ME

lildrummerboy: YES HE HAS

lukesboy: what have we done

calumsgirl: just ignore them and come make out with meeeee

lukesboy: on my way immediately

\-----

calumsgirl: you guys!!

calumsgirl: calum and I did THAT

calumsgirl sent a photo.

lukesboy: aw look at our gay asses kissing in the middle of the pride parade

guitarhero: ASHSSHJSJ

lildrummerboy: you called?

guitarhero: shut the fuck up you massive dildo

lildrummerboy: :'(

lildrummerboy: you guys look so cute aw

calumsgirl: I've never been so happy in my entire life

calumsgirl: okay actually I have a lot of happy moments w cal and I can't really rate them bc they're all so !!! I can't deal w him

lukesboy: I love you so much baby

lukesboy: you have no idea how relieved I am to FINALLY come out

calumsgirl: same and ALL OUR CAKE SHIPPERS ARE SO FUCKIN HAPPY I LOVE THEM

lukesboy: Y E S

guitarhero: just wait until you two get married

calumsgirl: omgshdnsgsh

lildrummerboy: I CALL BEST MAN

guitarhero: NO I CALL BEST MAN

lukesboy: y'all stupid af there are gonna be two best men

lildrummerboy: oh lol

calumsgirl: just thinking abt cal in a suit turns me on oh shit

lukesboy: I see ;-)))

lukesboy: our honeymoon will actually be so hot

guitarhero: we are NOT having this conversation

calumsgirl: smh fine then I guess someone doesn't get to be best man

guitarhero: r00d

lukesboy: fr tho I'm just really proud and happy today

lukesboy: I love you guys and I love love love my baby

calumsgirl: I love you so much cal xx

guitarhero: plot twist: calum was actually talking abt the baby he's having w luke

calumsgirl: how on earth would I get pregnant

lildrummerboy: I mean...science is advancing

lukesboy: I take it back I hate you guys (still love luke tho)

calumsgirl: <3 

 

**Author's Note:**

> okay it's 4 am and I need to sleep so you can @ me if you hated this on Twitter: @nonstopnina
> 
> and I /might/ (probs will anyway) write a happier, light hearted pt.2 w worse jokes if you guys actually liked this so let me know if you're into it
> 
> I JUST FEEL BAD FOR MAKING THIS SO EMO LMAO
> 
> -jayden, xx


End file.
